OK. Y'all are KILLING me with the Google searches, people. Are there really this many of you out there wanting to use the Law of Attraction to mind-control your crush? Why?
Well... If so, then don't worry. I won't judge.
Truth is, I've been there too.
Well, it's obvious why you would want to use the Law of Attraction to attract your specific person. Falling in love is no joke. The euphoria just takes over your mind and body and before you know it, you're stalking his Facebook, drunk texting him from the ladies' room, and photoshopping your picture into pictures of him with his current girlfriend.
Or her, them, whoever.
Being head over heels for someone is one of the most exhilarating experiences of human life, it costs nothing, and we're hard-wired to want it.
So if I lay out all the reasons (and there are many) why you should not try to use the Law of Attraction to attract a specific person, you're probably going to click over to someone else who will tell you how you can.
I'll tell you how you can, but first I'm going to tell you why you shouldn't.
Deeper Dating, by Ken Page, is one of the most in-depth, useful books about how to find a partner who really checks all your boxes--a partner with whom you can actually have a fulfilling relationship. In chapter 4, he goes into the concept of "attractions of inspiration" vs. "attractions of deprivation."
An attraction of inspiration is when you're attracted to someone who truly cares for you, who has goodness, decency, and integrity, and who you can respect as a person. It's an attraction that has the possibility of leading to a mutually wonderful love relationship. It's an attraction to someone who is willing and able to do the hard work of healing, and who inspires you to become the best version of yourself.
If you have an attraction of inspiration for the specific person you have in mind, then you don't need to use the Law of Attraction to bring them into your life, because they are already there. They are calling you, texting you, asking you out, sending you flowers. They care about you and are interested in you, and you know it.
If you find yourself needing to use the Law of Attraction to bring a specific person into your life, it would suggest the person, though you know who they are, is not currently making the effort to be your partner. They might be emotionally unavailable, clueless, married to someone else, not attracted to your gender, or even actively hate you. But how is this possible, when you feel so good in their presence?
Attractions of deprivation are wired into us by trauma, usually from childhood. Most of the time, there is something that happened in your past which taught you that you are unlovable, that men/women can't be trusted, or something along those lines. Then, because nature is cruel, we're forever after drawn to people who make us feel those same painful feelings of being unloved. We're drawn to this because it's familiar. But is that person really going to be good for you?
"Attractions of deprivation are also one of the trickiest ways to flee real intimacy.... We're desperately seeking a solid love--from someone who we know, deep down, won't give it to us," Page writes.
For example, as a young girl I believed I was very ugly and unattractive, starting from the year I started having to wear glasses. "Unattractive" became part of my self-image, and I always felt the desperate need to attract a boyfriend. I would meet a guy, develop intense feelings for him that made me crazy, and then finally ask him out when I couldn't stand it anymore.
About 60% of them told me "I'm flattered, but I'm gay." The rest said they liked girls of a completely different body type and ethnicity than mine.
So why was I attracted to this type of man, almost exclusively? Attractions of deprivation. Ultimately I was not attracted to the man, but to the familiar feeling of being considered "unattractive." Which I found with them, every time.
Actually, this was still using the Law of Attraction to bring that specific person. I was just attracting what I didn't want, not what I wanted.
So how do you attract what you actually want, and not just a repetition of your childhood trauma?
I'd definitely recommend reading Deeper Dating and going through the process of determining what your core gifts are.
I'll give you a hint--they're usually the things you feel the most ashamed of, or feel like you need to hide, or even the things that you've been told will absolutely send members of your preferred gender fleeing for the hills.
Things like your sexuality, your emotional depth and intensity, your deep caring for other people. Things that bring you to tears.
Also, take out a piece of paper and make a list of the feelings that you would want to feel if you were in an ideal relationship with the specific person you have in mind.
Feelings are going to be key, here. Really feel them in your body.
After you know what it would feel like to be in the type of relationship you want, then it's time to add that to your daily Law of Attraction meditations. I recommend doing them just after you wake up and just before you go to sleep, as that's when you're in the closest contact with your subconscious mind.
You can write something like "Thank You, Infinite Intelligence, that I am now in a brilliant, amazing, loving, caring relationship with (name of the person you want to attract) or someone better for me." I always like to add "or someone/something better" to my intentions and affirmations--why limit yourself to what you've seen, when the universe might have something much better for you?
If this is the case, and you know in your heart that no one else will do, then lean into it.
Supercharge your visualizations, imagining that person specifically, and that they are saying all the things to you that you've always wanted to hear from them. Put feeling into it. And include the feeling of gratitude.
Thank God or the universe for everything you've experienced in your brilliant relationship with that person.
Do this every night without fail. (It shouldn't be difficult to do.) Really make sure that you feel all the wonderful feelings of being loved so deeply.
But leave the actual person alone. And whenever you're around them or thinking about them, check your emotions. Make sure you're always in gratitude, not in fear or anxiety. (This is harder than it seems.)
Remember, the Law of Attraction will send you what you don't want, just as easily as it sends you what you want. It responds to your energy, not to your desires.
If you stay on this path, and keep yourself in the vibration of gratitude, and consistently pull yourself out of fear, anger, and anxiety, then one of two things will happen.
Either way, you will win.
If you'd like to talk to someone about this, then you're in luck because on Sunday, January 24, I am teaching my Manifest Your Man (or woman, or whoever) class at Life Force Arts Ensemble. Looking forward to seeing you there! If you would like to talk before then, book an appointment at the Dream Home Manifestors link and I'd be happy to help.
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